she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
