i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
