that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
