Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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