Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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