I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
