We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
