I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
