My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Randomize
