Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
