sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
vagina is talking i cant
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
