Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
