quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
