who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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