I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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