If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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