you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
