Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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