someone get that fucking seahorse.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
