There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
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the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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