his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
