I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
