Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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