Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
