Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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