Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
