I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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