Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I pour the whiskey from now on
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
