Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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