There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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