Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
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I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize