theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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