I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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