Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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