i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
