I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
