Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
