her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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