After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
