I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
