I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
