There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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