so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
