Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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