Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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