I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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