90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
