I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im six kinds of drunk right now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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