What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
