I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
