even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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