So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There r osticjed everywhere
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
