Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
