I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
