I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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