alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
