We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
