I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
