Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
