I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I need moral support for this bender
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
