Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
